santa jokes

Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.

............ ......... ..................... .......

Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.

............ ......... ..................... .......

Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long...!

............ ......... ..................... .......

Santa: I have swallowed a Kay.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.

funny marriage proposals

These are ads taken from actual matrimonial sites - guys searching for brides. Grammar and spell errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart! Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this.....
*****

hello.... My name Arthi..... I am a good characterized woman. I want to run my life happily. I expect the good minded and clean habits boy to marry me soon.... who may be in the same caste . If anyone want to Marie to me u can visit to my home (Ghar Chale aana........???)
*****

Hello, To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don't have female, I am not a good education but i working all field in Bangalore.. if u like me u welcome to my heart...when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar
*****

I want very simple girl. from Brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework (Homework?)
*****

Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you (The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
*****

She should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have one brother and one sister. she should be educated. (ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
*****

I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dream girl who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!! (The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
*****

I am simple boy. I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot (I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
*****

My wife should be as 'Shivani' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT...... (Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure he must be demanding too much,ain't he?)
*****

I want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast (by not wearing her jeans? Wat the hell...)
*****

HYE I AM A GOOD LOOKING BOY ,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LAUGH'S BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD.

THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFESSION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LAUGH. (all of us are loughing{laughing})
*****

Whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she would be called the woman of the lamp (I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this boy wants)
*****

I love my partner i marriage the partner ok i search my partner and i love the partner ok thik hai the partner has a graduate ok (I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
*****

HI I AM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE TV AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BOWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK (the "ok syndrome" again)
*****

I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother sister complity marred (somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely'?)
*****

I am very simple and honest. i have three sister one brother and parent. iam doing postal service and tailor master my original residence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist. (actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailor.??)
*****

My name is muhamad and i am unmarried. please you marriage me please please please please please please please (height of desperation! J )
*****

I want one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartily or she have frank she's skin color 'normal' not a black or not a whitey. I Think the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR. bye bye. (uttama purushan)
*****

Iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred. (No comments)
*****

I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT. (maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
*****

My color is black, but my heart is white. I like social service (Zebra..???)
*****

I'm looking out for who lives in Bombay, girl simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY. (Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)
*****

To be married on jun-2006. working woman preferable (this guy has fixed the marriage date too! But he is yet to find a bride. I wish him best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure he will get one soon.)
*****

I would like a beautiful girl. and I do not want her any treasure. because girl is the maharani. (Now she is going to be a lucky girl! Any takers?)
*****

ssc failed three times and worked with private ltd company which not paying salary at present. (Any takers again?)
*****

management fundas

Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were
travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of
them died.

Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.

He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.

But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision..

He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of
them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public
positions, etc.

Then why the differential treatment?

He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before
a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived
notions.



Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English
test.

PVNR is asked to spell ' INDIA ' and he does it correctly.

Advani is asked to spell ' ENGLAND ' and he too passes.

It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell ' CZECHOSLOVAKIA '.

Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.

He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus
forced to fail with false intent.



Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance
assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal
platform for all three).

PVNR is asked to write 'KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW'. He writes it easily and
passes.

Advani is asked to write 'BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN'. He too passes.

Laloo is asked to write 'BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR.....'
Tough one. He fails again.



Laloo is extremely unhappy.

Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now
requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history

Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take
any more tests.

PVNR is asked: 'When did India get Independence ?'. He replied '1947' and
passed.

Advani is asked 'How many people died during the independence struggle?'.

He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000
or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.

It's Laloo's turn now.
'
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'
'
'
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'
'
''
'
'
'
'
'
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'
'
'
'

'
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died
in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.

Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE...........

management jokes!!

Slumdog millionaire

aawesome , management jokes!!

A very Touching Moment

One day i deceided to quit - Motivation ,must read

One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed..
But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
"In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. "I would not quit.." He said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.

Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant.... But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.

It had spent the five years growing roots.

Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."

He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots."

"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. " Don't compare yourself to others .." He said. " The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern .... Yet, they both make the forest beautiful."

Your time will come, " God said to me. " You will rise high! " How high should I rise?" I asked.

How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.

"As high as it can? " I questioned.

" Yes. " He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can. "

I left the forest and bring back this story.

I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.

He will never give up on you.

Never regret a day in your life.

Good days give you happiness

Bad days give you experiences;

Both are essential to life.

A happy and meaningful life requires our continuous input and creativity. It does not happen by chance. It happens because of our choices and actions. And each day we are given new opportunities to choose and act and, in doing so, we create our own unique journey." Keep going...





Happiness keeps you Sweet, Trials keep you Strong, Sorrows keep you Human,
Failures keep you humble , Success keeps You Glowing, but your attitude Keeps You Going..

Santa singh in full flow - Jokes

Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: "

Bombay Bombay "

Air hostess said: "B silent."

Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"

----------------------------------------------------------

Sardar: My mobile bill how much?

Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status

Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
----------------------------------------------

Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..

Friend: How do u know?

Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
--------------------------------------------

Question: "Should Women have Children after 35?"

Smart Sardar Replied: "No! 35 Children R More than Enough!!"
-------------------------------------------

Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.

Manager: Do U know MS Office?

Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
------------------------------------------

Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key

Doctor: When?

Sardar: 3 Months Ago

Dr:Wat were u doing till now?

Sardar: We were using duplicate key
----------------------------------------

After finishing MBBS, Sardar started his practice.

He first checked the Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly

Said:

Torch is okay"

Actual call centre Conversation!!

Actual call centre conversations !!!!!



Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get

through to enquiries, can you help?'.

Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.

Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.

Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

RAC Motoring Services

Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I

am travelling in Australia ?'

Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):

'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering

wheel to the other side of the car?'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone

box told a worried operator:

'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.

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Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.

Customer: 'OK'.

Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.

Customer: 'No'.

Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'

Customer: 'No'.

Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up

until this point?'.

Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the

screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'

Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'

----------------------------------------------------------------------

Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just

realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will

I have my file back again?'.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

-------------------------------------------

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a

long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This

is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed

from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to

say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently

suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.

(Now I know why they record these conversations!):



Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'

Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'

Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a

sudden the words went away.'

Operator: 'Went away?'

Caller: 'They disappeared.'

Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'

Caller: 'Nothing..'

Operator: 'Nothing??'

Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'

Caller: 'How do I tell?'

Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'

Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'

Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't

accept anything I type.'

Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'

Caller: 'What's a monitor?'

Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks

like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'

Caller: 'I don't know.'

Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and

find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'

Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if

it's plugged into the wall.

Caller: 'Yes, it is.'

Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice

that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just

one??'

Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there

again and find the other cable.'

Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'

Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged

securely into the back of your computer.'

Caller: 'I can't reach.'

Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'

Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and

lean way over??'

Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right

angle - it's because it's dark.'

Operator: 'Dark??'

Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only

light I have is coming in from the window.

' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'

Caller: 'I can't.'

Operator: 'No? Why not??'

Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'

Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it

licked now.

Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your

computer came in??'

Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'

Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and

pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the

store you bought it from.'

Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'

Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a

computer!!!!!'

Ultimate Matrimonial Match Forum(too good!!!!!!)..................

awesome jokes - be careful

1. Signboard outside a prostitute's house: Married MEN not allowed.
We serve the needy, not the greedy...


2.Yesterday's news : An aunty was raped while jogging.
Today's news: More aunties found jogging.

3. How do Municipal Buses help in Family Planning?
By spreading the Message: KRIPYA PEECHHE SE CHADHIYE

4. Written on the T-Shirt of a girl:
SITUATORY WARNING: Objects inside the T-Shirt are larger than they
appear from outside.

5. Hindi class mein master ki pant ki zip khuli dekh Ladkiyan zor se
hasne lagi.
Masterji bole : Zyada he he ki to bahar nikaal kar khada kar doonga.

6. Santa was fondling a lady in a crowded bus.
Lady : Excuse me, aap achha nahi kar rahe hain!
Santa : Itni bheed mein is se achha nahi ho sakta.


7. Santa and banta were caught raping a girl. They were called for
identification parade.
When the girl arrives, both Santa and Banta shout together: "Yahi thee,
Yahi thee"


8. Judge : Why do u want divorce?
Banta : She doesn't satisfy me in bed!
Preeto (Wife) : Tu yahan ka collector laga hai? Sari colony khush hai, ik
tumari agg nahin bujati.


9.Jeeto was going to Chandigarh for vacations. At the time of packing
Santa thinks: Kitni bholi hai, main saath nahin jaa raha phir bhi condom
saath le jaa rahi hai.

10. Pappu meets papa Santa on stairs of a KOTHA.
Pappu: Papa aap yahan kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: Yaar ab 200-300 rupaye ke peeche teri mummy ke nakhre nahi sahe
jaate!


11. Santa: Murge kaise diye?
Vendor: Rs 50, Rs 40 n Rs 10
Santa: Rs 10, itna sasta kyon?
Vendor: Sir ise AIDS hai.
Santa: De do mujhe ... khana hai, rape thode hi karna hai!


12. Santa standing in balcony without shirt.
Banta, "Wah Santa ji kya chest hai.
Santa, "Eh tan kuch nahi andar ja ke apni BHABI KE dekh.


13. Santa runing after a Bus, catches it n asks the Driver:"Ye bus teri Ma
lagti hai?"
Driver : Nahin.
Santa : To kya Behan lagti hai?
Driver : Nahin.
Santa : To phir chadne kyun nahin deta?

found the man in cofee beans

*FIND THE MAN IN THE COFFEE BEANS** :**

This is bizarre -- after you find the guy -- it's so obvious. Once you find him -- it's embarrassing, and you think, why didn't I see him immediately?**

*

*

Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in the coffee beans in 3 seconds, the right half of your brain is better developed than most people.

*

* If you find the man between 3 seconds and 1 minute, the right half of the brain is developed normally. *

*If you find the man between 1 minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and you need to eat more protein.*

* If you have not found the man after 3 minutes, the advice is to look for more of this type of exercise to make that part of the brain stronger!!! *

*And, yes, the man is really there!!! *

love all !!

It’s another morning...
What the Heck .. Again I have to go to office.

Ohh, this is me… I shouted having a glance on my snap in today’s news paper.
But what the HELL it is doing in the death column??

Strange…

One sec... Let me think, last night when I was going to bed I had a severe pain in my chest, but I don’t remember anything after that, I think I had a sound sleep.

Its morning now, ohh….. It’s already 10:00 AM, where is my coffee?
I will be late for office and that bastard will get a chance to irritate me.

Where is everyone…??? I screamed.

“I think there is a crowed outside my room, let me check.” I said to myself.

So many people….. Not all of them crying…
But why some of them crying…

WHAT IS THIS??? I am laying there on the floor…

“I AM HERE” … I shouted!!! No one listen.
“LOOK I AM NOT DEAD” … I screamed once again!!! No one is interested in me.
They all were looking me on the bed.

I went back to my bed room.

“Am I dead??” I asked myself.

Where is my wife, my children, my mom-DAD, my friends?

I found them in the next room, all of them were crying… still trying to console each other.

My wife was crying… she was really looking sad.
My little kid was not sure what happened, but he was crying just coz his mom was sad.

How can I go without saying my kid that I really love him, I really do care of him. ??
How can I go without saying my wife that she is really most beautiful and most caring wife in this world..??
How can I go without saying my parents that I am … just because of u ??
How can I go without telling my friends that without them perhaps I have done most of the wrong things in my life… thanks for being there always when I need them… and sorry for not being there when they really need me..

I can see a person standing in the corner and trying to hide his tears…
Ohh… he was once my best friend, but a small misunderstanding made us part, and we both have strong enough ego to keep us disconnect.

I went there.. And offered him my hand, “Dear friend… I just want to say sorry for everything, we r still best friend, please forgive me.”

No response from other side, what the hell?? He is still preserving his ego, I am saying sorry… even then!!!
I really don’t care for such people.

But one sec…. it seems he is not able to see me!!!! He did not see my extended hand.
My goodness… AM I REALLY DEAD???

I just sat down near ME; I was also feeling like crying…

“OHH ALMIGHTY!!!! PLEASE JUST GIVE ME FEW MORE DAYS…”
I just wasn’t to make my wife, my parents; my friends realize that how much I love them.

My wife entered in the room, she looks beautiful.
“YOU R BEAUTIFUL” I shouted.
She didn’t hear my words, in fact she never heard these words coz I never said this to her.

“GOD!!!!” I screamed… a little more time plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..
I cried…

One more chance please… to hug my child, to make my mom smile just once, to feel my dad proud on me at least for a moment, to say sorry to my friends for everything I have not given to them, and thanks for still being in my life….

Then I looked up and cried!!!!

I shouted….

“GOD!!!! ONE MORE CHANCE PLEASE!!!!”

"You shouted in your sleep," said my wife as she gently woke me up. "Did you have a nightmare?"

I was sleeping….
Ohh that was just a dream….

My wife was there… she can hear me…
This is the happiest moment of my life…
I hugged her and whispered…. “U R THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND CARING WIFE IN THIS UNIVERSE…. I REALLY LOVE U DEAR”

I can’t understand the reason of the smile on her face with some tears in her eyes, still I m happy….


“THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS SECOND? CHANCE.”

MORAL: You cannot start again with “love all “as like Tennis Match; it’s your life match

World's best two photographs

A. The first photo was taken when the Chinese president went to US.
B. The second photo was taken when Bush went to China .

gujju wives- n0n veg

Gujju Wives:

Once 4 gujju wives met at a party talking about their husbands new
cellular phones....

First gujju wife says to others... "Maro pati ne pass mota
laura(motorola) che!....

Second gujju wife replies.."Aree sirf mota laura thi kya hoga?
errection(ERICSSON) chahiye!....

So the third gujju wife stepa up & says..."aree mota laura bhi thick
hai, errection bhi thick hai, Par semen(seimens) nahi to kya fayda?...

And then the fourth said..
"Mota laura bhi ho, errecson bhi ho, semen bhi ho, lekin na
kiya(nokiya) tho kya fayda??..

...and then the fight starts

*************************************************************************************
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, 'What's on TV?'

I said, 'Dust.'

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'

I bought her a weighing scale.

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...

So, I took her to a gas station..

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."

He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"

"Naaah, she can order for herself."

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************
A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'

The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

And then the fight started..... .

*************************************************************************************

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.

Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.

I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

And then the fight started....

*************************************************************************************

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.

So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"

And that's when the fight started....

*************************************************************************************
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:
the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.

Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'

And then the fight started...

*************************************************************************************

This one’s too good…

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'

'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'

'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'

And then the fight started...

gabbar s orkut profile

5 seonds betwee life and death

A few seconds away from death!!!!

5 Seconds Between Life & Death....

Like you, this man too, had a dream.
Like you, he too pushed his way into the crowded train
Like you, he too wanted to get going before he got delayed
Unlike you, he slipped and fell in the gap between the train and the platform at station
And eight bogies went over him
Find out what happened to this man

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The man obviously has a guardian angel and supportive bystanders who told him exactly what he shouldn't do — move. And so, the man lay absolutely still as eight bogies of the train passed over him — centimeters from his head. Within seconds the 12-coach train passed and the man clambered out, unaided, unhurt, but too shocked to speak to us after his near-death experience
Untidy safety habits
Can trip you up.
This Guy was Lucky,
Dont cross Railway Tracks ever & make a mess of ur Valuable Life

whatever happens it happens for good!

mathematically question ! funny , be careful!!!!!

ITS GR8 !!!

Shilpa is 21 years older than her son raju.
In 6 years from now Shilpa will be 5 times as old as raju.

Question: Where's Shilpa's Husband?

(There IS a mathematical solution for this..
try it before scrolling down)

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Solution:

Shilpa (MOM 'M') is 21 years older than Raju (Child 'C')..

M = C + 21

In 6 years from now the mom will be 5 times as old as the child.

M + 6 = ( C + 6 ) x 5

C + 21 + 6 = ( C + 6) x 5

C + 27 = 5C + 30

-3 = 4C

C = -3/4

The child is -3/4 year old, that's -9 months.
Child will be born in 9 months.
So, right now, Shilpa's Husband is on top of her