Why did Santa keep the door open while bathing?
Because he was afraid that someone might watch him from the key hole.
............ ......... ..................... .......
Santa's wife dies. He is calm, but his wife's lover is crying furiously...
Finally, Santa consoles him: Don't worry buddy, I will marry again.
............ ......... ..................... .......
Pappu while filling up a form: What should I write against mother tongue.?
Santa: Very long...!
............ ......... ..................... .......
Santa: I have swallowed a Kay.
Doctor: When?
Santa: 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Santa: I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
funny marriage proposals
These are ads taken from actual matrimonial sites - guys searching for brides. Grammar and spell errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart! Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this.....
*****
hello.... My name Arthi..... I am a good characterized woman. I want to run my life happily. I expect the good minded and clean habits boy to marry me soon.... who may be in the same caste . If anyone want to Marie to me u can visit to my home (Ghar Chale aana........???)
*****
Hello, To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don't have female, I am not a good education but i working all field in Bangalore.. if u like me u welcome to my heart...when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar
*****
I want very simple girl. from Brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework (Homework?)
*****
Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you (The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
*****
She should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have one brother and one sister. she should be educated. (ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
*****
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dream girl who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!! (The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
*****
I am simple boy. I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot (I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
*****
My wife should be as 'Shivani' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT...... (Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure he must be demanding too much,ain't he?)
*****
I want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast (by not wearing her jeans? Wat the hell...)
*****
HYE I AM A GOOD LOOKING BOY ,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LAUGH'S BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD.
THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFESSION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LAUGH. (all of us are loughing{laughing})
*****
Whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she would be called the woman of the lamp (I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this boy wants)
*****
I love my partner i marriage the partner ok i search my partner and i love the partner ok thik hai the partner has a graduate ok (I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
*****
HI I AM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE TV AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BOWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK (the "ok syndrome" again)
*****
I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother sister complity marred (somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely'?)
*****
I am very simple and honest. i have three sister one brother and parent. iam doing postal service and tailor master my original residence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist. (actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailor.??)
*****
My name is muhamad and i am unmarried. please you marriage me please please please please please please please (height of desperation! J )
*****
I want one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartily or she have frank she's skin color 'normal' not a black or not a whitey. I Think the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR. bye bye. (uttama purushan)
*****
Iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred. (No comments)
*****
I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT. (maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
*****
My color is black, but my heart is white. I like social service (Zebra..???)
*****
I'm looking out for who lives in Bombay, girl simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY. (Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)
*****
To be married on jun-2006. working woman preferable (this guy has fixed the marriage date too! But he is yet to find a bride. I wish him best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure he will get one soon.)
*****
I would like a beautiful girl. and I do not want her any treasure. because girl is the maharani. (Now she is going to be a lucky girl! Any takers?)
*****
ssc failed three times and worked with private ltd company which not paying salary at present. (Any takers again?)
*****
*****
hello.... My name Arthi..... I am a good characterized woman. I want to run my life happily. I expect the good minded and clean habits boy to marry me soon.... who may be in the same caste . If anyone want to Marie to me u can visit to my home (Ghar Chale aana........???)
*****
Hello, To Viewers My Name is Shekhar , I am single i don't have female, I am not a good education but i working all field in Bangalore.. if u like me u welcome to my heart...when ever u want to meet pls visit my resident or send u letter.. Thanks yours Regards Shekhar
*****
I want very simple girl. from Brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework (Homework?)
*****
Wants a woman who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. she may never create any difficulties in my life or her life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you (The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
*****
She should be good looking and should have a service. she Should have one brother and one sister. she should be educated. (ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
*****
I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Because friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dream girl who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........hold my hand forever !!! (The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
*****
I am simple boy. I have lot of problem in my life because of my luck now i am looking one gal she care me and love me lot lot (I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
*****
My wife should be as 'Shivani' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT...... (Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure he must be demanding too much,ain't he?)
*****
I want a girl with no drinks if she wants she can wear jeans in house but while stepping out of house she should give respect to our cast (by not wearing her jeans? Wat the hell...)
*****
HYE I AM A GOOD LOOKING BOY ,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LAUGH'S BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD.
THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A GIRL ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFESSION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LAUGH. (all of us are loughing{laughing})
*****
Whatever she may be but she should feel that she is going to be someone bride and she must think of the future life if she is too like this she would be called the woman of the lamp (I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this boy wants)
*****
I love my partner i marriage the partner ok i search my partner and i love the partner ok thik hai the partner has a graduate ok (I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
*****
HI I AM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE TV AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BOWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK (the "ok syndrome" again)
*****
I am pran my family history my two brother two sister and Father&mother sister complity marred (somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely'?)
*****
I am very simple and honest. i have three sister one brother and parent. iam doing postal service and tailor master my original residence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist. (actually what is this guy doing? Postal service or tailor.??)
*****
My name is muhamad and i am unmarried. please you marriage me please please please please please please please (height of desperation! J )
*****
I want one girl who love me or my mother. she love me heartily or she have frank she's skin color 'normal' not a black or not a whitey. I Think the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but iam not a handsome guy or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good guy. My father already expired . THE CHOICE IS YOUR. bye bye. (uttama purushan)
*****
Iam kanan. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred. (No comments)
*****
I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT. (maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
*****
My color is black, but my heart is white. I like social service (Zebra..???)
*****
I'm looking out for who lives in Bombay, girl simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY. (Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)
*****
To be married on jun-2006. working woman preferable (this guy has fixed the marriage date too! But he is yet to find a bride. I wish him best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure he will get one soon.)
*****
I would like a beautiful girl. and I do not want her any treasure. because girl is the maharani. (Now she is going to be a lucky girl! Any takers?)
*****
ssc failed three times and worked with private ltd company which not paying salary at present. (Any takers again?)
*****
management fundas
Once PVNR (PV Narasimha Rao), L.K.Advani and Laloo Prasad Yadav were
travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of
them died.
Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.
He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.
But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision..
He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of
them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public
positions, etc.
Then why the differential treatment?
He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before
a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived
notions.
Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English
test.
PVNR is asked to spell ' INDIA ' and he does it correctly.
Advani is asked to spell ' ENGLAND ' and he too passes.
It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell ' CZECHOSLOVAKIA '.
Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.
He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus
forced to fail with false intent.
Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance
assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal
platform for all three).
PVNR is asked to write 'KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW'. He writes it easily and
passes.
Advani is asked to write 'BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN'. He too passes.
Laloo is asked to write 'BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR.....'
Tough one. He fails again.
Laloo is extremely unhappy.
Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now
requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history
Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take
any more tests.
PVNR is asked: 'When did India get Independence ?'. He replied '1947' and
passed.
Advani is asked 'How many people died during the independence struggle?'.
He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000
or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
It's Laloo's turn now.
'
'
'
'
'
'
''
'
'
'
''
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died
in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.
Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE...........
travelling in an autorickshaw. They met with an accident and all three of
them died.
Yama Raja was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death.
He asks PVNR and Advani to go to HEAVEN.
But, for Laloo, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Laloo is not at all happy with this decision..
He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of
them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public
positions, etc.
Then why the differential treatment?
He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before
a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived
notions.
Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English
test.
PVNR is asked to spell ' INDIA ' and he does it correctly.
Advani is asked to spell ' ENGLAND ' and he too passes.
It is Laloo's turn and he is asked to spell ' CZECHOSLOVAKIA '.
Laloo protests that he doesn't know English.
He says this is not fair and that he was given a tough question and thus
forced to fail with false intent.
Yama then agrees to conduct a written test in Hindi (to give another chance
assuming that Laloo should at least feel that Hindi would provide an equal
platform for all three).
PVNR is asked to write 'KUTTA BOLA BHOW BHOW'. He writes it easily and
passes.
Advani is asked to write 'BILLY BOLI MYAUN MYAUN'. He too passes.
Laloo is asked to write 'BANDAR BOLA GURRRRRR.....'
Tough one. He fails again.
Laloo is extremely unhappy.
Having been a student of history (which the other two weren't),he now
requested for all the 3 to be subjected to a test in history
Yama says OK but this would be the last chance and that he would not take
any more tests.
PVNR is asked: 'When did India get Independence ?'. He replied '1947' and
passed.
Advani is asked 'How many people died during the independence struggle?'.
He gets nervous. Yama asked him to choose from 3 options: 100,000 or 200,000
or 300,000.
Advani catches it and says 200,000 and passes.
It's Laloo's turn now.
'
'
'
'
'
'
''
'
'
'
''
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
'
Yama asks him to give the Name and Address of each of the 200,000 who died
in the struggle.
Laloo accepts defeat and agrees to go to HELL.
Moral of the story: IF YOUR MANAGEMENT HAS DECIDED TO SCREW YOU, THERE IS NO ESCAPE...........
Thursday, May 21, 2009
One day i deceided to quit - Motivation ,must read
One day I decided to quit...
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed..
But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
"In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. "I would not quit.." He said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.
Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant.... But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots.
Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."
He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots."
"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. " Don't compare yourself to others .." He said. " The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern .... Yet, they both make the forest beautiful."
Your time will come, " God said to me. " You will rise high! " How high should I rise?" I asked.
How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can? " I questioned.
" Yes. " He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can. "
I left the forest and bring back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.
He will never give up on you.
Never regret a day in your life.
Good days give you happiness
Bad days give you experiences;
Both are essential to life.
A happy and meaningful life requires our continuous input and creativity. It does not happen by chance. It happens because of our choices and actions. And each day we are given new opportunities to choose and act and, in doing so, we create our own unique journey." Keep going...
Happiness keeps you Sweet, Trials keep you Strong, Sorrows keep you Human,
Failures keep you humble , Success keeps You Glowing, but your attitude Keeps You Going..
I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality... I wanted to quit my life.
I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.
"God", I said. "Can you give me one good reason not to quit?"
His answer surprised me...
"Look around", He said. "Do you see the fern and the bamboo?"
"Yes", I replied.
When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them.
I gave them light. I gave them water.
The fern quickly grew from the earth.
Its brilliant green covered the floor.
Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed.
But I did not quit on the bamboo.
In the second year the Fern grew more vibrant and plentiful.
And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed..
But I did not quit on the bamboo. He said.
"In the third year, there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. In the fourth year, again, there was nothing from the bamboo seed. "I would not quit.." He said. "Then in the fifth year a tiny sprout emerged from the earth.
Compared to the fern it was seemingly small and insignificant.... But just 6 months later the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall.
It had spent the five years growing roots.
Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle."
He said to me. "Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots."
"I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you. " Don't compare yourself to others .." He said. " The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern .... Yet, they both make the forest beautiful."
Your time will come, " God said to me. " You will rise high! " How high should I rise?" I asked.
How high will the bamboo rise?" He asked in return.
"As high as it can? " I questioned.
" Yes. " He said, "Give me glory by rising as high as you can. "
I left the forest and bring back this story.
I hope these words can help you see that God will never give up on you.
He will never give up on you.
Never regret a day in your life.
Good days give you happiness
Bad days give you experiences;
Both are essential to life.
A happy and meaningful life requires our continuous input and creativity. It does not happen by chance. It happens because of our choices and actions. And each day we are given new opportunities to choose and act and, in doing so, we create our own unique journey." Keep going...
Happiness keeps you Sweet, Trials keep you Strong, Sorrows keep you Human,
Failures keep you humble , Success keeps You Glowing, but your attitude Keeps You Going..
Santa singh in full flow - Jokes
Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: "
Bombay Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"
Bombay Bombay "
Air hostess said: "B silent."
Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"
----------------------------------------------------------
Sardar: My mobile bill how much?
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
----------------------------------------------
Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
----------------------------------------------
Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
--------------------------------------------
Friend: How do u know?
Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
--------------------------------------------
Question: "Should Women have Children after 35?"
Smart Sardar Replied: "No! 35 Children R More than Enough!!"
-------------------------------------------
Smart Sardar Replied: "No! 35 Children R More than Enough!!"
-------------------------------------------
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
------------------------------------------
Manager: Do U know MS Office?
Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
------------------------------------------
Sardar: Doctor! My Son swallowed a key
Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 Months Ago
Dr:Wat were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key
----------------------------------------
After finishing MBBS, Sardar started his practice.Doctor: When?
Sardar: 3 Months Ago
Dr:Wat were u doing till now?
Sardar: We were using duplicate key
----------------------------------------
He first checked the Patient's Eyes, Tongue & Ears By Torch & Finallly
Said:
Torch is okay"
Actual call centre Conversation!!
Actual call centre conversations !!!!!
Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get
through to enquiries, can you help?'.
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I
am travelling in Australia ?'
Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering
wheel to the other side of the car?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone
box told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the
screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just
realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will
I have my file back again?'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a
long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This
is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed
from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to
say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently
suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a
sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing..'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't
accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks
like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and
find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if
it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice
that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just
one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there
again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged
securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and
lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right
angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only
light I have is coming in from the window.
' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it
licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and
pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the
store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a
computer!!!!!'
Customer: 'I've been ringing 0800 2100 for two days and can't get
through to enquiries, can you help?'.
Operator: 'Where did you get that number from, sir?'.
Customer: 'It was on the door to the Travel Centre'.
Operator: 'Sir, they are our opening hours'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
RAC Motoring Services
Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I
am travelling in Australia ?'
Operator: ' Doesn't the product name give you a clue?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
'If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering
wheel to the other side of the car?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone
box told a worried operator:
'I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number on'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: 'I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop'.
Customer: 'OK'.
Tech Support: 'Did you get a pop-up menu?'.
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?'
Customer: 'No'.
Tech Support: 'OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up
until this point?'.
Customer: 'Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote 'click''.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Tech Support: 'OK. In the bottom left hand side of the
screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?'
Customer: 'Wow. How can you see my screen from there?'
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Caller: 'I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just
realised that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will
I have my file back again?'.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a
long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This
is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed
from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to
say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently
suing the Word Perfect organization for 'Termination without Cause'.
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.
(Now I know why they record these conversations!):
Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator: 'What sort of trouble??'
Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a
sudden the words went away.'
Operator: 'Went away?'
Caller: 'They disappeared.'
Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller: 'Nothing..'
Operator: 'Nothing??'
Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??'
Caller: 'How do I tell?'
Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??'
Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't
accept anything I type.'
Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller: 'What's a monitor?'
Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks
like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??'
Caller: 'I don't know.'
Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and
find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'
Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if
it's plugged into the wall.
Caller: 'Yes, it is.'
Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice
that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just
one??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there
again and find the other cable.'
Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'
Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged
securely into the back of your computer.'
Caller: 'I can't reach.'
Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'
Caller: 'No.'
Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and
lean way over??'
Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right
angle - it's because it's dark.'
Operator: 'Dark??'
Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only
light I have is coming in from the window.
' Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller: 'I can't.'
Operator: 'No? Why not??'
Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator: 'A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it
licked now.
Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your
computer came in??'
Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and
pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the
store you bought it from.'
Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'
Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a
computer!!!!!'
awesome jokes - be careful
1. Signboard outside a prostitute's house: Married MEN not allowed.
We serve the needy, not the greedy...
2.Yesterday's news : An aunty was raped while jogging.
Today's news: More aunties found jogging.
3. How do Municipal Buses help in Family Planning?
By spreading the Message: KRIPYA PEECHHE SE CHADHIYE
4. Written on the T-Shirt of a girl:
SITUATORY WARNING: Objects inside the T-Shirt are larger than they
appear from outside.
5. Hindi class mein master ki pant ki zip khuli dekh Ladkiyan zor se
hasne lagi.
Masterji bole : Zyada he he ki to bahar nikaal kar khada kar doonga.
6. Santa was fondling a lady in a crowded bus.
Lady : Excuse me, aap achha nahi kar rahe hain!
Santa : Itni bheed mein is se achha nahi ho sakta.
7. Santa and banta were caught raping a girl. They were called for
identification parade.
When the girl arrives, both Santa and Banta shout together: "Yahi thee,
Yahi thee"
8. Judge : Why do u want divorce?
Banta : She doesn't satisfy me in bed!
Preeto (Wife) : Tu yahan ka collector laga hai? Sari colony khush hai, ik
tumari agg nahin bujati.
9.Jeeto was going to Chandigarh for vacations. At the time of packing
Santa thinks: Kitni bholi hai, main saath nahin jaa raha phir bhi condom
saath le jaa rahi hai.
10. Pappu meets papa Santa on stairs of a KOTHA.
Pappu: Papa aap yahan kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: Yaar ab 200-300 rupaye ke peeche teri mummy ke nakhre nahi sahe
jaate!
11. Santa: Murge kaise diye?
Vendor: Rs 50, Rs 40 n Rs 10
Santa: Rs 10, itna sasta kyon?
Vendor: Sir ise AIDS hai.
Santa: De do mujhe ... khana hai, rape thode hi karna hai!
12. Santa standing in balcony without shirt.
Banta, "Wah Santa ji kya chest hai.
Santa, "Eh tan kuch nahi andar ja ke apni BHABI KE dekh.
13. Santa runing after a Bus, catches it n asks the Driver:"Ye bus teri Ma
lagti hai?"
Driver : Nahin.
Santa : To kya Behan lagti hai?
Driver : Nahin.
Santa : To phir chadne kyun nahin deta?
We serve the needy, not the greedy...
2.Yesterday's news : An aunty was raped while jogging.
Today's news: More aunties found jogging.
3. How do Municipal Buses help in Family Planning?
By spreading the Message: KRIPYA PEECHHE SE CHADHIYE
4. Written on the T-Shirt of a girl:
SITUATORY WARNING: Objects inside the T-Shirt are larger than they
appear from outside.
5. Hindi class mein master ki pant ki zip khuli dekh Ladkiyan zor se
hasne lagi.
Masterji bole : Zyada he he ki to bahar nikaal kar khada kar doonga.
6. Santa was fondling a lady in a crowded bus.
Lady : Excuse me, aap achha nahi kar rahe hain!
Santa : Itni bheed mein is se achha nahi ho sakta.
7. Santa and banta were caught raping a girl. They were called for
identification parade.
When the girl arrives, both Santa and Banta shout together: "Yahi thee,
Yahi thee"
8. Judge : Why do u want divorce?
Banta : She doesn't satisfy me in bed!
Preeto (Wife) : Tu yahan ka collector laga hai? Sari colony khush hai, ik
tumari agg nahin bujati.
9.Jeeto was going to Chandigarh for vacations. At the time of packing
Santa thinks: Kitni bholi hai, main saath nahin jaa raha phir bhi condom
saath le jaa rahi hai.
10. Pappu meets papa Santa on stairs of a KOTHA.
Pappu: Papa aap yahan kya kar rahe ho?
Santa: Yaar ab 200-300 rupaye ke peeche teri mummy ke nakhre nahi sahe
jaate!
11. Santa: Murge kaise diye?
Vendor: Rs 50, Rs 40 n Rs 10
Santa: Rs 10, itna sasta kyon?
Vendor: Sir ise AIDS hai.
Santa: De do mujhe ... khana hai, rape thode hi karna hai!
12. Santa standing in balcony without shirt.
Banta, "Wah Santa ji kya chest hai.
Santa, "Eh tan kuch nahi andar ja ke apni BHABI KE dekh.
13. Santa runing after a Bus, catches it n asks the Driver:"Ye bus teri Ma
lagti hai?"
Driver : Nahin.
Santa : To kya Behan lagti hai?
Driver : Nahin.
Santa : To phir chadne kyun nahin deta?
found the man in cofee beans
*FIND THE MAN IN THE COFFEE BEANS** :**
This is bizarre -- after you find the guy -- it's so obvious. Once you find him -- it's embarrassing, and you think, why didn't I see him immediately?**
*
*
Doctors have concluded that if you find the man in the coffee beans in 3 seconds, the right half of your brain is better developed than most people.
*
* If you find the man between 3 seconds and 1 minute, the right half of the brain is developed normally. *
*If you find the man between 1 minute and 3 minutes, then the right half of your brain is functioning slowly and you need to eat more protein.*
* If you have not found the man after 3 minutes, the advice is to look for more of this type of exercise to make that part of the brain stronger!!! *
*And, yes, the man is really there!!! *
love all !!
It’s another morning...
What the Heck .. Again I have to go to office.
Ohh, this is me… I shouted having a glance on my snap in today’s news paper.
But what the HELL it is doing in the death column??
Strange…
One sec... Let me think, last night when I was going to bed I had a severe pain in my chest, but I don’t remember anything after that, I think I had a sound sleep.
Its morning now, ohh….. It’s already 10:00 AM, where is my coffee?
I will be late for office and that bastard will get a chance to irritate me.
Where is everyone…??? I screamed.
“I think there is a crowed outside my room, let me check.” I said to myself.
So many people….. Not all of them crying…
But why some of them crying…
WHAT IS THIS??? I am laying there on the floor…
“I AM HERE” … I shouted!!! No one listen.
“LOOK I AM NOT DEAD” … I screamed once again!!! No one is interested in me.
They all were looking me on the bed.
I went back to my bed room.
“Am I dead??” I asked myself.
Where is my wife, my children, my mom-DAD, my friends?
I found them in the next room, all of them were crying… still trying to console each other.
My wife was crying… she was really looking sad.
My little kid was not sure what happened, but he was crying just coz his mom was sad.
How can I go without saying my kid that I really love him, I really do care of him. ??
How can I go without saying my wife that she is really most beautiful and most caring wife in this world..??
How can I go without saying my parents that I am … just because of u ??
How can I go without telling my friends that without them perhaps I have done most of the wrong things in my life… thanks for being there always when I need them… and sorry for not being there when they really need me..
I can see a person standing in the corner and trying to hide his tears…
Ohh… he was once my best friend, but a small misunderstanding made us part, and we both have strong enough ego to keep us disconnect.
I went there.. And offered him my hand, “Dear friend… I just want to say sorry for everything, we r still best friend, please forgive me.”
No response from other side, what the hell?? He is still preserving his ego, I am saying sorry… even then!!!
I really don’t care for such people.
But one sec…. it seems he is not able to see me!!!! He did not see my extended hand.
My goodness… AM I REALLY DEAD???
I just sat down near ME; I was also feeling like crying…
“OHH ALMIGHTY!!!! PLEASE JUST GIVE ME FEW MORE DAYS…”
I just wasn’t to make my wife, my parents; my friends realize that how much I love them.
My wife entered in the room, she looks beautiful.
“YOU R BEAUTIFUL” I shouted.
She didn’t hear my words, in fact she never heard these words coz I never said this to her.
“GOD!!!!” I screamed… a little more time plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..
I cried…
One more chance please… to hug my child, to make my mom smile just once, to feel my dad proud on me at least for a moment, to say sorry to my friends for everything I have not given to them, and thanks for still being in my life….
Then I looked up and cried!!!!
I shouted….
“GOD!!!! ONE MORE CHANCE PLEASE!!!!”
"You shouted in your sleep," said my wife as she gently woke me up. "Did you have a nightmare?"
I was sleeping….
Ohh that was just a dream….
My wife was there… she can hear me…
This is the happiest moment of my life…
I hugged her and whispered…. “U R THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND CARING WIFE IN THIS UNIVERSE…. I REALLY LOVE U DEAR”
I can’t understand the reason of the smile on her face with some tears in her eyes, still I m happy….
“THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS SECOND? CHANCE.”
MORAL: You cannot start again with “love all “as like Tennis Match; it’s your life match
What the Heck .. Again I have to go to office.
Ohh, this is me… I shouted having a glance on my snap in today’s news paper.
But what the HELL it is doing in the death column??
Strange…
One sec... Let me think, last night when I was going to bed I had a severe pain in my chest, but I don’t remember anything after that, I think I had a sound sleep.
Its morning now, ohh….. It’s already 10:00 AM, where is my coffee?
I will be late for office and that bastard will get a chance to irritate me.
Where is everyone…??? I screamed.
“I think there is a crowed outside my room, let me check.” I said to myself.
So many people….. Not all of them crying…
But why some of them crying…
WHAT IS THIS??? I am laying there on the floor…
“I AM HERE” … I shouted!!! No one listen.
“LOOK I AM NOT DEAD” … I screamed once again!!! No one is interested in me.
They all were looking me on the bed.
I went back to my bed room.
“Am I dead??” I asked myself.
Where is my wife, my children, my mom-DAD, my friends?
I found them in the next room, all of them were crying… still trying to console each other.
My wife was crying… she was really looking sad.
My little kid was not sure what happened, but he was crying just coz his mom was sad.
How can I go without saying my kid that I really love him, I really do care of him. ??
How can I go without saying my wife that she is really most beautiful and most caring wife in this world..??
How can I go without saying my parents that I am … just because of u ??
How can I go without telling my friends that without them perhaps I have done most of the wrong things in my life… thanks for being there always when I need them… and sorry for not being there when they really need me..
I can see a person standing in the corner and trying to hide his tears…
Ohh… he was once my best friend, but a small misunderstanding made us part, and we both have strong enough ego to keep us disconnect.
I went there.. And offered him my hand, “Dear friend… I just want to say sorry for everything, we r still best friend, please forgive me.”
No response from other side, what the hell?? He is still preserving his ego, I am saying sorry… even then!!!
I really don’t care for such people.
But one sec…. it seems he is not able to see me!!!! He did not see my extended hand.
My goodness… AM I REALLY DEAD???
I just sat down near ME; I was also feeling like crying…
“OHH ALMIGHTY!!!! PLEASE JUST GIVE ME FEW MORE DAYS…”
I just wasn’t to make my wife, my parents; my friends realize that how much I love them.
My wife entered in the room, she looks beautiful.
“YOU R BEAUTIFUL” I shouted.
She didn’t hear my words, in fact she never heard these words coz I never said this to her.
“GOD!!!!” I screamed… a little more time plzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..
I cried…
One more chance please… to hug my child, to make my mom smile just once, to feel my dad proud on me at least for a moment, to say sorry to my friends for everything I have not given to them, and thanks for still being in my life….
Then I looked up and cried!!!!
I shouted….
“GOD!!!! ONE MORE CHANCE PLEASE!!!!”
"You shouted in your sleep," said my wife as she gently woke me up. "Did you have a nightmare?"
I was sleeping….
Ohh that was just a dream….
My wife was there… she can hear me…
This is the happiest moment of my life…
I hugged her and whispered…. “U R THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AND CARING WIFE IN THIS UNIVERSE…. I REALLY LOVE U DEAR”
I can’t understand the reason of the smile on her face with some tears in her eyes, still I m happy….
“THANK YOU GOD FOR THIS SECOND? CHANCE.”
MORAL: You cannot start again with “love all “as like Tennis Match; it’s your life match
World's best two photographs
B. The second photo was taken when Bush went to China .
gujju wives- n0n veg
Gujju Wives:
Once 4 gujju wives met at a party talking about their husbands new
cellular phones....
First gujju wife says to others... "Maro pati ne pass mota
laura(motorola) che!....
Second gujju wife replies.."Aree sirf mota laura thi kya hoga?
errection(ERICSSON) chahiye!....
So the third gujju wife stepa up & says..."aree mota laura bhi thick
hai, errection bhi thick hai, Par semen(seimens) nahi to kya fayda?...
And then the fourth said..
"Mota laura bhi ho, errecson bhi ho, semen bhi ho, lekin na
kiya(nokiya) tho kya fayda??..
Once 4 gujju wives met at a party talking about their husbands new
cellular phones....
First gujju wife says to others... "Maro pati ne pass mota
laura(motorola) che!....
Second gujju wife replies.."Aree sirf mota laura thi kya hoga?
errection(ERICSSON) chahiye!....
So the third gujju wife stepa up & says..."aree mota laura bhi thick
hai, errection bhi thick hai, Par semen(seimens) nahi to kya fayda?...
And then the fourth said..
"Mota laura bhi ho, errecson bhi ho, semen bhi ho, lekin na
kiya(nokiya) tho kya fayda??..
...and then the fight starts
*************************************************************************************
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
So, I took her to a gas station..
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Naaah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started..... .
*************************************************************************************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....
*************************************************************************************
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
*************************************************************************************
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:
the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
This one’s too good…
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive...
So, I took her to a gas station..
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Naaah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
A woman is standing & looking in the bedroom mirror.
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And then the fight started..... .
*************************************************************************************
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
And then the fight started....
*************************************************************************************
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?”
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started....
*************************************************************************************
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed..
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first:
the truck, the car, e-mail, fishing, always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.
I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
'When you finish cutting the grass,' I said, 'you might as well sweep the driveway.'
And then the fight started...
*************************************************************************************
This one’s too good…
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and my wife
kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked my wife, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' She sighed, 'He's my old boyfriend.
I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years
ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said to my wife, 'who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
5 seonds betwee life and death
A few seconds away from death!!!!
5 Seconds Between Life & Death....
Like you, this man too, had a dream.
Like you, he too pushed his way into the crowded train
Like you, he too wanted to get going before he got delayed
Unlike you, he slipped and fell in the gap between the train and the platform at station
And eight bogies went over him
Find out what happened to this man
*
*
*
*
*
*
The man obviously has a guardian angel and supportive bystanders who told him exactly what he shouldn't do — move. And so, the man lay absolutely still as eight bogies of the train passed over him — centimeters from his head. Within seconds the 12-coach train passed and the man clambered out, unaided, unhurt, but too shocked to speak to us after his near-death experience
Untidy safety habits
Can trip you up.
This Guy was Lucky,
Dont cross Railway Tracks ever & make a mess of ur Valuable Life
whatever happens it happens for good!
mathematically question ! funny , be careful!!!!!
ITS GR8 !!!
Shilpa is 21 years older than her son raju.
In 6 years from now Shilpa will be 5 times as old as raju.
Question: Where's Shilpa's Husband?
(There IS a mathematical solution for this..
try it before scrolling down)
**********
**********
**********
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Solution:
Shilpa (MOM 'M') is 21 years older than Raju (Child 'C')..
M = C + 21
In 6 years from now the mom will be 5 times as old as the child.
M + 6 = ( C + 6 ) x 5
C + 21 + 6 = ( C + 6) x 5
C + 27 = 5C + 30
-3 = 4C
C = -3/4
The child is -3/4 year old, that's -9 months.
Child will be born in 9 months.
So, right now, Shilpa's Husband is on top of her
Shilpa is 21 years older than her son raju.
In 6 years from now Shilpa will be 5 times as old as raju.
Question: Where's Shilpa's Husband?
(There IS a mathematical solution for this..
try it before scrolling down)
**********
**********
**********
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Solution:
Shilpa (MOM 'M') is 21 years older than Raju (Child 'C')..
M = C + 21
In 6 years from now the mom will be 5 times as old as the child.
M + 6 = ( C + 6 ) x 5
C + 21 + 6 = ( C + 6) x 5
C + 27 = 5C + 30
-3 = 4C
C = -3/4
The child is -3/4 year old, that's -9 months.
Child will be born in 9 months.
So, right now, Shilpa's Husband is on top of her
Pakistan response template for terrorism
Dear Prime Minister Manmohan Singh/Atal Bihari Vajpayee/Narasimha Rao /Rajiv Gandhi,
Pakistan strongly condemns / is shocked by / is pleasantly surprised with the success of our "freedom fighters" in the loss of dozens / hundreds / thousands / millions of innocent lives in the bomb blasts / sniper attack / hijacking / religious riots / other disaster that occurred in a busy marketplace / train / housing colony / Indian parliament building / an upper-class hotel / temple in Mumbai / Delhi / Kashmir / Assam / Punjab / Gujarat / Other.
The Pakistani citizens / soldiers / "freedom fighters" / "friendship agents" / students who were caught red-handed / found dead at the scene of the crime / convicted of the crime are actually undercover Indian / American / Israeli agents. Any Pakistanis proven to be guilty of terrorism will be rewarded handsomely / dealt with severely / promoted to Lt. Colonel / given a new Indian passport and sent back to India / handed over to the Americans as proof of our commitment in the war on terror.
There are no Pakistani army-funded training camps / terrorist camps / madrasaas in Azad Kashmir / Afghanistan / Nepal / Bangladesh . The satellite images / photographs / eyewitness accounts / videotaped confessions obtained by the Indians is fraudulent / fake / inconclusive / are actually from Indian terrorist camps and part of a larger RAW / CIA conspiracy to destabilize the Pakistani government by stalling democracy / encouraging sectarian violence / undermining Pakistani institutions / causing the next military coup in Pakistan. A destabilized Pakistani government / mafia could cause Pakistan to become a dangerous nuclear WalMart / Target / Seven-Eleven and a terrorist breeding ground / university / research lab that would be worse for the world.
We hope this will not derail the peace process started with the recent India-Pakistan cricket series / Lahore bus yatra / Muzafarabad- Srinagar road opening / Bollywood peace concert / open borders initiative / other confidence-building measures. We look forward to justifying further attacks against innocent civilians / resolving the core issue of Kashmir / developing best-of-breed plausible deniability defenses.
We stand by / are plotting against our Indian brethren in their hour / days / years / decades of pain.
Signed,
Asif Ali Zardari
President, Pakistan / Chief Operating Officer, Taliban Inc. / General, Pakistani Army
what will you choose?
No one will GET second chance to impress....
Very Impressive Question and Answer..... ...
Question :
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night, it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:
An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
An old friend who once saved your life.
The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?
This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.
* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;
* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to ! pay him back.
* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.
The candidate had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?
He simply answered:
"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."
Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."
singh is king ! bruaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
A Pakistani, a Bangladeshi and a Sardarji are sitting at a Pub in Bavaria drinking beer.
The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice.'
The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Dhaka we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.'
OUR Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi. He says 'In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice'.
!!!!!!!! JAI HIND !!!!!!
The Pakistani drinks his beer and suddenly throws his glass in the air, pulls out a gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Islamabad our glasses are so cheap that we don't need to drink from the same one twice.'
The Bangladeshi [obviously impressed by this] drinks his beer, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the glass to pieces. He says 'In Dhaka we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink out of the same glass twice either.'
OUR Sardar, cool as a cucumber, picks up his beer and drinks it, throws his glass into the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the Pakistani and Bangladeshi. He says 'In India we have so many Pakistanis and Bangladeshis that we don't need to drink with the same ones twice'.
!!!!!!!! JAI HIND !!!!!!
dont argue with kids
Never Argue With Kids
My 4 year old son came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
He stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush.
He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
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On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother.
The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
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A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover.
The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
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A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother."I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
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A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human, it was physically impossible.The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
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The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture." Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'that's Michael. He's a doctor.'"
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher. She's dead."
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A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.""Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary positions the blood doesn't run into my feet?"A little fellow shouted, "Because your feet aren't empty."
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The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all You want. God is watching the apples!"
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A kindergarden teacher at age 30 was talking to the children seated on the floor around her, absentmindedly she removed her glasses to clean them.
"Wow, Miss Collins!" one child exclaimed. "You look really different without your glasses on !"Another child piped up, "I bet she looks different when she takes her teeth out, too!"
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try answering these questions!
Even if u answer **five** questions its great...Feel proud...
1. What programming language is GOOGLE developed in?
2. What is the expansion of YAHOO?
3. What is the expansion of ADIDAS?
4. Expansion of Star as in Star TV Network?
5. What is expansion of "ICICI?"
6. What does "baker's dozen" signify?
7. The 1984-85 season. 2nd ODI between India and Pakistan at Sialkot - India 210/3 with
Vengsarkar 94*. Match abandoned. Why?
8. Who is the only man to have written the National Anthems for two different countries?
9. From what four word expression does the word `goodbye` derive?
10. How was Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu better known?
11. Name the only other country to have got independence on Aug 15th?
12. Why was James Bond Associated with the Number 007?
13. Who faced the first ball in the first ever One day match?
14. Which cricketer played for South Africa before it was banned from international
cricket and later represented Zimbabwe ?
15. The faces of which four Presidents are carved at Mt.Rushmore?
16. Which is the only country that is surrounded from all sides by only one country
(other than Vatican )?
17. Which is the only sport which is not allowed to play left handed?
HERE ARE THE ANSWERS
1. Google is written in Asynchronous java-script and XML, or its acronym Ajax ..
2. Yet Another Hierarchy of Officious Oracle
3. ADIDAS- All Day I Dream About Sports
4. Satellite Television Asian Region
5. Industrial credit and Investments Corporation of India
6. A baker's dozen consists of 13 items - 1 more than the items in a normal dozen
7. That match was abandoned after people heard the news of Indira Gandhi being killed.
8. Rabindranath Tagore who wrote national anthem for two different countries one is Indian
's National anthem and another one is for Bangladesh- (Amar Sonar* *Bangla)
9. Goodbye comes from the ex-pression: 'god be with you'.
10. Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu is none other Mother Teresa.
11. South Korea ..
12. Because 007 is the ISD code for Russia (or the USSR , as it was known during the cold war)
13. Geoffrey Boycott
14. John Traicos
15. George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln
16. Lesotho surrounded from all sides by South Africa ..
17. Polo.
Quote of the day
'The financial situation at the moment is so bad that women are now marrying for love'
Some laws worth noticing!!
Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.
Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
treasure trove - japanese funda
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|
The Japanese have always loved fresh fish. But the water close to Japan has not held many fish for decades. So to feed the Japanese population, fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever. The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring the fish. If the return trip took more time, the fish were not fresh. To solve this problem, fish companies installed freezers on their boats. They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer. However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen fish. And they did not like the taste of frozen fish. | ||||||
i just Quitted drinking !
A man walks into a bar in London and ordered 3-glasses of beer
and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in
turn.
When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the
glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."
The man replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in
Dubai, the other in Canada and I'm here in London.
When they left home, we promised that we'll drink this way to remember
the days when we drank together.
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.
The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn.
One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars
notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,"
I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere
condolences on your great loss. "
The man looked confused for a moment, then he laughs .... "Oh, no,"
he, said, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive" .
" The only thing is
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I just quit drinking!!!
and sits in the backyard of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in
turn.
When he finishes, he comes back to the bar counter and orders 3 more.
The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the
glass; it would taste better if you buy one at a time."
The man replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in
Dubai, the other in Canada and I'm here in London.
When they left home, we promised that we'll drink this way to remember
the days when we drank together.
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it there.
The man became a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way.
He order 3-Beers and drinks them in turn.
One day, he came in and ordered only 2-Beers All the other regulars
notice and fall silent.
When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,"
I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my sincere
condolences on your great loss. "
The man looked confused for a moment, then he laughs .... "Oh, no,"
he, said, "Everyone's fine - both my brothers are alive" .
" The only thing is
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I just quit drinking!!!
jokes jokes aand jokes
At a dance party,
Boy: will u dance with me?
Girl: main bache k saath nahi nachti.
Boy: so sorry! Mujhe pata nahi tha k aap pregnant hain.
~~~~~~~~~
Hotel mein khana kha k sardar haath k badle wash basin dhone laga.
Waiter NE pucha kya kar rahe ho?
Sardar bola: dikhta nahi lekha hai wash basin
~~~~~~~~~
A boy goes to his dad's friend place late at night,
He was told to sleep in baby's room, but he refused and slept in the TV
launch to avoid baby.
The next morning he saw a young, charming n very pretty girl on the
breakfast table.
Who r u? The boy asked.
I'm baby and u?
Main ullo ka patha :p
~~~~~~~~~
Son: Abba idher AA
Mother: Aise nahi boltey beta, daddy ko izat k saath bulate hain,
Son: Abba izzat k saath idher aaja.
Technical quotes -testrer and developer ki :)
Forgiving or punishing
the terrorists
is left to God.
But,
fixing their appointment
with God
is our responsibility
- Indian Army
Updated statement for this in S/W INDUSTRY........
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
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Forgiving or punishing
the Developer
is left to Manager.
But,
fixing their appointment
with Manager
is our responsibility
- Tester
We all knew that..... but this one is for the finishing touch, damn good.
Forgiving or punishing
the Manager
is left to Client.
But,
fixing their appointment
with Client
is our responsibility
- Developer J
How to know if made in china or not !!!
Dear all friends
The whole world is scared of China made "black hearted goods"
Can you differentiate which one is made in Taiwan or China? Let me tell! u ... the first 3 digits of barcode 690.691.692 is made in CHINA. Do not ever buy it for your own health.
471 is Made in Taiwan
This is a human right to know, but the government and related department never educate the public, therefore we have to rescue ourselves. Remember.
With more and more milk products from China and Taiwan having problem. We really got to check where the things are produced. Here is a way to differentiate Taiwan made products and China made products : by looking at first three digits of its Bar Code.
If the 1st 3 digits are 690, 691 or 692 - China made
If the 1st 3 digits are 471 - Taiwan made
Nowadays, China businessmen know the consumers do not prefer products "made in china", so they won't show made from which country.
However, you may now refer to the barcodes, if the first 3 digits is 690-692 then it is made in China.
The whole world is scared of China made "black hearted goods"
Can you differentiate which one is made in Taiwan or China? Let me tell! u ... the first 3 digits of barcode 690.691.692 is made in CHINA. Do not ever buy it for your own health.
471 is Made in Taiwan
This is a human right to know, but the government and related department never educate the public, therefore we have to rescue ourselves. Remember.
| 00-13: USA & Canada | 20-29: In-Store Functions | 30-37: France |
| 40-44: Germany | 45: Japan (also 49) | 46: Russian Federation |
| 471: Taiwan | 474: Estonia | 475: Latvia |
| 477: Lithuania | 479: Sri Lanka | 480: Philippines |
| 482: Ukraine | 484: Moldova | 485: Armenia |
| 486: Georgia | 487: Kazakhstan | 489: Hong Kong |
| 49: Japan (JAN-13) | 50: United Kingdom | 520: Greece |
| 528: Lebanon | 529: Cyprus | 531: Macedonia |
| 535: Malta | 539: Ireland | 54: Belgium & Luxembourg |
| 560: Portugal | 569: Iceland | 57: Denmark |
| 590: Poland | 594: Romania | 599: Hungary |
| 600 & 601: South Africa | 609: Mauritius | 611: Morocco |
| 613: Algeria | 619: Tunisia | 622: Egypt |
| 625: Jordan | 626: Iran | 64: Finland |
| 690-692: China | 70: Norway | 729: Israel |
| 73: Sweden | 740: Guatemala | 741: El Salvador |
| 742: Honduras | 743: Nicaragua | 744: Costa Rica |
| 746: Dominican Republic | 750: Mexico | 759: Venezuela |
| 76: Switzerland | 770: Colombia | 773: Uruguay |
| 775: Peru | 777: Bolivia | 779: Argentina |
| 780: Chile | 784: Paraguay | 785: Peru |
| 786: Ecuador | 789: Brazil | 80 - 83: Italy |
| 84: Spain | 850: Cuba | 858: Slovakia |
| 859: Czech Republic | 860: Yugoslavia | 869: Turkey |
| 87: Netherlands | 880: South Korea | 885: Thailand |
| 888: Singapore | 890: India | 893: Vietnam |
| 899: Indonesia | 90 & 91: Austria | 93: Australia |
| 94: New Zealand | 955: Malaysia | 977: International Standard Serial Number for Periodicals (ISSN) |
| 978: International Standard Book Numbering (ISBN) | 979: International Standard Music Number (ISMN) | 980: Refund receipts |
| 981 & 982: Common Currency Coupons | 99: Coupons | |
With more and more milk products from China and Taiwan having problem. We really got to check where the things are produced. Here is a way to differentiate Taiwan made products and China made products : by looking at first three digits of its Bar Code.
If the 1st 3 digits are 690, 691 or 692 - China made
If the 1st 3 digits are 471 - Taiwan made
Nowadays, China businessmen know the consumers do not prefer products "made in china", so they won't show made from which country.
However, you may now refer to the barcodes, if the first 3 digits is 690-692 then it is made in China.
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